John Gulager’s new movie Piranha 3DD builds on the absurdity of Piranha 3D, but then again if movie viewers were expecting anything else, then they are just plain silly. There is nothing about this film that is interesting or avant-garde, but it sure scores high on the pure dumb entertainment scale. What else could be expected of a movie that features David Hasselhoff playing himself?
The mind-boggling insanity of Piranha 3DD’s plot isn’t so problematic in itself; the real tragedy is that the whole film is put on with only half the effort. Absurd films become worthwhile when their makers go all in and all wacky and Gulager clearly wasn’t willing to do so. The film is to short and too understated to back up its ludicrous storyline. In a nutshell: piranhas evolve in woman’s vagina, piranha’s kill and all research scientists look like super models. Too bad none of the psycho piranha killing action happens until the very end of the movie—the first three quarters of the film are spent feeding the audience worthless, boring information that should be backing up a narrative structure that clearly is illogical. Not even Gary Busey and Christopher Lloyd can cast a shadow of wackiness over this aspect of the film.
Gulager clearly missed the memo that people come to see movies about killer aquatic life to indulge themselves in mindless action, gore and gratuitous sex and not to try to understand the “background” story. Piranha 3DD is the kind of film in which exposition is a useless distraction—it isn’t exactly a movie for those who want to be intellectually or emotionally challenged. Piranha 3DD is by no means one of the top action movies of the summer, but it will still pull in viewers who go to movies for the sheer hell of it—the only way that such bad movies survive.